How helping you is helping others.
Self care has become a popular and well accepted term for anyone that wants to justify looking after themselves. And that's the problem. Having to justify taking time to stop and breath – without it involving smoking – is a sure sign that something isn't working quite right.
The term self care is in stark contrast to selfish. A word that still carries the stigma of taking something from others. The reality is that the two words can both have caring connotations. This is thanks to an ever increasing realisation that – and this is the important part:
Looking after yourself IS looking after others.
For many people it's often easier to do something for yourself when it's in the name of doing it for others. That takes the guilt out of it, right? But what if you didn't need to justify your action to defend against that guilt? What if the guilt never even came up?
Realising that being selfish is a good thing is integral to this new way of being. That's not to say taking a parking space from someone waiting patiently is ok, or that watching TV to relax when your kids are starving for their dinner is helpful. The inner compass of selfish/self-care can be off and setting that right can be integral to look after yourself in many situations.
Work being a big one. Stopping to take a break at work, especially when part of a team, can feel like letting the side down. In reality, if you work until your personal breaking point then that can take you out of action and be detrimental to the team anyway – likely in a worse way. This is long term thinking. This is going beyond the "I can suck this up for now" mentality. And this is the tough part to hear:
What you are sucking up is often only in your own head. The reality is, nobody is pushing you to deny yourself.
So be more selfish. Stop more. Breath calmly when you feel guilty doing so. Embrace the guilt knowing this moment is helping you and in doing so will help others. Maybe even dare to do it for you, without the need to consider others. Remember:
You can't give until you've received enough to share.
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